One little thing every day

Elmo is over

Two things with Grace: This week she stopped asking me to carry her to school, which is one block away. She does this funny kind of skip-gallop-prance walk while holding my hand. It made me a little sad, but after all, I'm the one who hoists her up and says, "Someday you're going to be too big and Mommy's not going to be able to carry you to school." Maybe that day came. I don't want to think about a time when she doesn't bear hug me in her towel when I lift her out of the bath, or when she stops putting her little arms around my neck to try to get me to stay a little longer when I put her to bed, or when she no longer sighs a sleepy breath when I climb in next to her and hold her hand, her tiny fingers curling around mine.

Last night, as we were cleaning out drawers of clothes she's outgrown to give to her friend Piper. Grace held her Elmo doll for a moment, and then put it on the pile of clothes. "It's Piper's turn to have Elmo," she said. "Are you sure?" I asked, "Elmo's been a great friend to you." "Yes, I'm sure."

Elmo is over.

***

I bought a tiny rosebush with small buds, some open, at Trader Joe's tonight and the girl at the checkout asked me if I was buying it for myself. I nodded. Then she told me, "Pay attention to the open ones." And then she looked deeply into my eyes. We had some kind of momentary connection, and after I paid she shook my hand and said she hoped she'd see me again. I am not sure what that means or what the metaphor is here, but, OK, I will pay attention to the open flowers.

***

After Trader Joe's, I went to an event for a super cool and funny writer named Cindy Chupack. She worked on a couple little shows you may have heard of, like Sex and the City and Everybody Loves Raymond. She wrote some books. As she signed mine, I mentioned to her that I just had a piece published in Motherlode about Grace's birth parents moving in, and that I was so inspired by her talk and wanted to figure out how to keep that momentum up. And she asked me to send her the link. Which made me really, really happy. I decided in the parking lot on the way out that every day, I will do something, even if it's a little thing, to move my work forward.



On the drive home, I missed my dad and wished he could be around to read my stuff, to tell me to fight for better contracts, to give me the hug I haven't had for 10 years. As I got off the 2 to the 134 West, I realized I'd absently had been holding my fist up, curled around my dad's fingers, which I imagined coming from somewhere above.

***

Tomorrow I go blonde.

Work: Sometimes you have to pee in the pool

I had an eccentric Great Aunt Vida, who lived in a sprawling home that slinked around a prime piece of Hood Canal coastline in Washington state. She was a bit formal, had married well and widowed young, and was in no way comfortable around children. When my cousins came to visit, she gave them the standard speech as they prepared to jump into her indoor pool: "I have a special chemical in here that turns red when you urinate, so don't, or I'll know it's you."

The kids, in their elementary years, solemnly nodded and proceed to jump in the pool. After several minutes of splashing about, the youngest, Liam, yelled out, "Aunt Vida? That chemical? It's not working!"

I love this story because mostly when my Aunt Corinne (Liam's mom) tells it, it's really really funny, each and every time. But I also love it because it makes me think about how brave and bold Liam was as a little kid, completely unaware of his own vulnerability as he spoke a truth that he thought would be helpful. Not sure what Vida's reaction was, but it likely involved a thimble of sherry to soothe her nerves.

I recently watched this Brené Brown TED video on vulnerability, and it has made me think a lot about the offer-reception dynamic of ideas. In order to have a truly innovative idea, you need to risk failing, because it hasn't been done before. You are putting the work of your mind and heart in the hands of others who will help it succeed -- or not. How the idea is received is just as critical. Nearly every organization or manager will tell you that failure is treated as a learning opportunity ... but how that is actually handled will vary greatly. I've worked for some bosses who have been so enthusiastic and welcoming for my ideas that I couldn't wait to fail for them again, if it meant having excellent feedback and the chance to build an even better rocket ship. I've had bosses who've sent such cryptic, critical emails that I spent entire weekends downing Ativan to keep a panic attack at bay, certain I'd be fired Monday morning, but then nothing was ever mentioned again.

I've been fortunate enough to have a career based on ideas, where my creativity has funded my home and car and makes me look good on paper for government bureaucrats. I've also been lucky enough to help develop ideas from others and collaborate to make them into real things. Because of that, I offer this:

If you're proposing your idea -- whether its a better way to clean the coffee pots at the wait station, a rerouting of the entire metro transit system so it runs more effectively and efficiently, or handing over your life's work, laced with sweat, tears and a little merlot -- these approaches may help:

1. Find a good time to propose your idea -- when the recipient has space to hear you, and is in a good mood. Also, think about your format. Is it scrawled on a napkin, or did you go to the trouble of making a trailer for it? 
2. Preface your presentation with what you hope to accomplish, and how far along you are in your idea. If it's just an initial draft with lots of flexibility for change, or if it's pretty much baked as is, let the person know. 
3. State exactly what you want. Is it an approval to take it to another level of management? Are you looking for collaboration? Do you just want some feedback on a particular angle?
4. Really understand what the response is. So if the person said, "I love the idea but I'm wondering if you can make it puppets instead of real people," and you heard, "Your idea stinks, go away," you may miss an opportunity to make your idea happen ... just not exactly as you'd planned. Sometimes puppets are better. 

If you are on the receiving end of an idea:

1. Realize the person offering may have invested a lot of hope and love in this. Treat it accordingly. It's hard to be creative, like handing over your fragile little heart in a paper cup, hoping someone else will help it keep beating.  
2. Take a cue from improv: Don't shut down another actor. Say, "yes ... and ... ." As in: "Yes, I think you are really on to something, and I'm wondering if there's a way we can include puppets because I know that's what the network is looking for and we'll have a better chance of making this happen." 
3. If you love the idea, be a champion for it. Be brave, it makes people like you better. If you don't like the idea, find a way to make it better. There might be a seed in there somewhere. 

Sometimes it pays to pee in the pool, just to see what happens.

Money: 100 Ways to Keep More Money in Your Pocket

Image courtesy peasap from Flickr Creative Commons

Last night some friends and I held a brainstorming session on Facebook about ways to save or make money. Here's what we have so far:    

1. Hold clothing swaps with your friends – everyone brings their never-wear-but-too-good-to-get-rid-of clothes, shoes and accessories.  
2. Shop at thrift stores.
3. Split entrees at restaurants, or take leftovers home.
4. Look on Craigslist or EBay first for electronics and furniture.
5. Ask your stylist to hook you up with haircolor so you can do your own roots in between visits. Drugstores also have root treatments that can help until your next appointment. And, if you find the right non-damaging product and you’re good enough to do it yourself, try home color.
6. Trade babysitting with friends.
7. Walk instead of taking cabs in NYC. It's usually quicker.
8. Make your own dog treats. Cheaper and you know what's in them.
9. Shop at farmers markets for in-season produce, which tastes better and is usually cheaper than the supermarket.
10. Don't order takeout or delivery unless there's a legit reason.
11. Buy food that won’t go bad quickly (such as oatmeal or beans) in bulk instead of cans.smaller portion … if the math works out. Sometimes you can also find crazygood sales on the smaller items.
12. Make your own coffee in the morning and bring it with you in a travel mug to work.
13. Negotiate with your phone company, cable company and Internet provider. They don't want to lose your business. I've only been paying a tiny amount for Internet service for years because I threaten to leave every six months.
14. Stop buying bottled water – for what other product would you happily pay a 1,000 percent markup?
15. Get a soda stream and a water filter so you can make your own bubbly water to replace your ridiculous Pellegrino habit.
16. Stop smoking.
17. Use both sides of the paper.
18. Stop emotional/impulse spending: If you're dying to get that dress/makeup/pair of boots, wait a day, see if you're still jonesing for it, then make the purchase.
19. Organize your stuff and have a place for everything: You'd be amazed how much extra stuff you buy when you're disorganized and can't find something you already have.
20. If you do NEED really need a new dress shop at Ross or TJ Max or some suchanother discount store first... If you do buy a dress full-price, make sure you love it, it’s good quality, and that you can wear it for a few years.
21. See if you can make Halloween costumes for your kids from stuff you already have (cowgirl, tourist, gypsy, zombie, nerd ), or swap costumes with friends or other parents.
22. You don’t need that much meat. Try using half, or go meatless a couple days a week.
23. Re-evaluate how much you're paying in bank fees, insurance, credit cards, etc. Do a full financial inventory. Try calling to get the fees waived or lowered.
24. Shop in your closet. Look for fresh ways to wear forgotten items.
25. Read parking signs carefully and keep cash in the car so you never get a parking ticket.
26. Kids grow so quickly that some of the best clothes hardly have a chance to be worn – consider a hand-me-down arrangement with a friend or family member, consignment, or thrift-store search.
27. Cook at home. Take a yogurt and granola bar for breakfast, and pack a nice lunch of leftovers or soup or cold cuts.
28. Give up alcohol for a month and you'll save money and even lose weight.
29. Fabric painting and decorative patches: they save stains and holes in clothes, brighten them up and give them a new look.
30. Get worn boots and shoes that still look good resoled, don't throw instead of throwing them out.
31. Ribbons make great shoelaces.
32. Use it up, wear it out, make it do ... or do without.
33. Use your apps to keep an up-to-date inventory/shopping list.
34. Use a lipstick brush to get every last drop of your favorite color!
35. Thrift-shop online at Poshmark, Twice and Threadflip.
36. Trade skills at your local time bank: Some neighborhoods have organizations in which members can barter their time and skills for other goods and services.
37. Try getting it at Trader Joe's or the ethnic market before the regular supermarket.
38. Grow your own herbs.
39. A chicken or turkey gets double mileage when you use the carcass for stew or soup.
40. Use Freecycle and Craiglist to score free stuff. Sometimes it's yours for the asking.
41. There's this thing called the library where you can get free books, music and movies. Seriously. For reals..
42. Order cleaning supplies, health and beauty aids, diapers and other non-perishable stuff you replace regularly through Amazon.com Subscribe 'n' Save, which saves you a big percentage off the price, as well as time shopping and parking. If you’re a frequent online shopper, the Amazon Prime service is totally worth it: You get free shipping and access to hundreds of on-demand videos.
43. What can you do as a side gig? Copyedit? Build websites? Babysit? Walk dogs? Housesit? Teach guitar? Draw pet portraits? Paint decorative mailboxes? If you think about it long enough you'll figure out your side gig. One person I know saved up enough from cocktail waitressing on her off-hours to put a down payment on a house.
44. Aside from the library, there's soooo much music you can listen to for free: try Spotify, Pandora and of course, you can go to the library and get music risk-free and download podcasts or live-streaming from your favorite radio station. (I’m a huge fan of Santa Monica’s KCRW.)
45. Upcycle your clothes: Can that dated dress become a cool tunic top? With the flash of the scissors and a little sewing skill (or learn for free on YouTube) that unwearable cashmere sweater with the moth holes can turn into cute leg warmers or  the best scarf ever. If you're good at it, you can sell your creations on Etsy.
46. Use your fresh and perishable food first so it doesn't go bad. If necessary, develop a system in your refrigerator so that the food that needs to be eaten first is most accessible.
47. Join a Yahoo! online community specific to your profession, neighborhood , hobby, interest or kids’ age. You’ll be amazed how generous people can be with advice, discounts, insider information and gear.
48. Use Gasbuddy or another app to help you find the least-expensive gas in your neighborhood.
49. A neighborhood mechanic can change the oil just as well as your auto dealer can but usually for less. Shop around and develop a great relationship with someone who can work on your car.
50. Get your utility to come out and do a free energy audit of your home. You’ll learn low- and no-cost options for saving money on energy.
51. Combine trips and errands in the car to save gas and time. Don’t go to the store for just one ingredient – use what you have, improvise, or borrow from a neighbor.
52. Use Netflix streaming ($9/month) and shut off cable ($30+/month)
53. Dinners out with friends can get really expensive. Let your friends know you’re trying to save money and join them for a glass of wine, cup of coffee or dessert.  
54. Shop for recycled building materials before you plan your home building or renovation, you might save thousands.
55. Slay your energy vampires: Unplug chargers and other devices when they’re not in use. Anything with a clock or light on it is still “on” when it says it’s “off.” You can also invest in a smart power strip that knows which devices don’t need to be energized 24/7.
56. “Set and forget” your temperature with a programmable thermostat that keeps your air conditioning and heating from working too hard when you’re not in the house, but so you can come home to a comfortable room.
57. A microwave uses far less power than an electric stove, and in the summer it won’t heat your home so you save on air-conditioning costs.
58. CFL and LED lightbulbs use a fraction of the energy that incandescent bulbs do. They also create less heat, so your air conditioner doesn’t have to work as hard in the summer.
59. Do your holiday shopping year-round, and keep a “generic gift” box going so that you don’t need to blow your cash around the holidays.
60. Negotiate your property tax if that’s possible where you live.
61. Use the ATM for your bank so you don’t have to pay out-of-network fees. Most credit unions let you use any other credit union’s ATM for free.
62. Consider giving up either your landline or cell phone – keep the one you use the most.
63. Set up automatic deductions to a savings account that is not linked to your paycheck. You are less likely to spend what you can’t see.
64. Keep track of every penny you spend through a spread sheet or a program such as Mint, then take a good look at where your money is going and see where you can easily cut back.
65. Share a Netflix movie membership with a friend.
66. Cancel your cable and watch shows on DVD or directly from the channel’s website.
67. Develop a hobby and use what you make for gifts, or to sell on Etsy, eBay or your own website.
68. Borrow a special occasion dress you’ll only wear once from a friend.
69. Stop drinking soda, drink water instead. It’s better for you and will help your skin tremendously.
70. See if your yoga studio or gym offers a work-study program in exchange for classes.
71. That lint in the dryer? It’s your clothes slowly decomposing. Line drying saves energy and helps your clothes last longer.
72. Instead of going to a pet store or a breeder, adopt a pet from a shelter and take advantage of the low-cost vaccinations and spay/neuter service usually provided.
73. Evaluate your subscriptions: Are you really reading that newspaper and those magazines? Is there anything you could read for free online instead?
74. Save gift wrapping, pretty shopping bags and tissue paper for wrapping other gifts.
75. Save and recycle last year’s Christmas cards by cutting them up and creating funky, unique collage cards with a new note on the back.
76. Cut the picture side of a card off and use it as a postcard.
77. You’d be amazed how well vinegar and baking soda clean the house, toxin-free.
78. Honestly? You don’t need to wash your hair every day. Unless you work somewhere it gets really dirty.
79. A full refrigerator or freezer is more efficient and costs less to run than an empty one. Even water jugs work just fine.
80. A small crack around a door or your windows is the equivalent of a hole in your wall. Invest a couple dollars and a few minutes in weather-stripping your home so you don’t spend as much to heat and cool it.
81. Learn an incredible trick and bet people $5 that you can do what seems impossible.
82. Turn out lights when you leave a room. You know, like your dad said.
83. Moths can take out an entire winter wardrobe in a few days. Save soap slivers or cedar shavings in a zipper bag with holes poked in it, and store it with your clothes. You can also store clothes in a vacuum-sealed bag or sealed plastic container.
84. Most theaters in major cities have discount outlets where you can buy half-price tickets. You can also get on the theater’s mailing list for special deals.
85. If you had a particularly good or bad customer experience, take a moment to write to the company – you may get a discount.
86. Book your air travel as early in advance as possible and use a service such a kayak.com to predict the best time to buy a ticket.
87. Adopt a low-maintenance hairstyle that suits your life – you’ll save time as well as money on products and frequent cuts.
88. If you’re shopping for a specific make or model of a major purchase, such as a computer, camera or appliance and can’t find it used, go online to a shopping comparison site such as Shopzilla or Pricegrabber to find free shipping and the best deals.
89. How much are you spending on storage? Do some hard math: Say you have $1,000 worth of items and you pay $150 a month to store them. That’s $1,800 per year you’re spending to keep things you rarely use. If you’re storing sentimental items that have absolutely no value, offer a friend with a bigger home half that to keep your stuff in her garage, basement or attic.
90. If you have a separate living space or if you’ll be away for a while, consider signing up with a vacation rental service such as Vacation Rentals By Owner, which can match you up with someone happy to rent on a nightly, weekly or monthly basis.
91. Save hundreds of dollars by scouring thrift stores for eyeglass frames and getting your own lenses put it.
92. Sign up for a daily email from Dailyworth.com for free advice on ways to save, earn more and invest.
93. Stop impulse buying in the drug store. Before you go, see what you can use up or combine (if you’re like me, you may have two or three bottles of shampoo and several half-full body creams in rotation at any one time) before buying new.
94. Before springing for a hotel, post on Facebook or another network that you’re coming to town and need an inexpensive place to stay. Hopefully you’ll get an invitation from a friend or a friend-of-a-friend; otherwise you’ll at least have great insider scoops on cheap-but-good places to stay.
95. Before signing up for a costly gym membership, see if they’ll bargain with you. And also consider what natural resources you have for exercise – can you run in a nearby park, woods or beach? Is there a playground near you with exercise equipment?
96. If you’re considering going back to school and don’t necessarily need the credit, check out the multitude of free online educational lectures available from Ivy League professors and TED conference speakers. www.education-portal.com is a good place to start.
97. If you rent, be an amazing tenant. Any sane landlord may cut you a deal when your lease is up, or not raise the rent, in order to keep you there.
98. Make double and freeze half your dinner (and label the container!); you’ll have a full stock of ready-to-heat food so you won’t be tempted to order takeout when there’s nothing in the fridge.
99. It’s one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have, but talk to your parents about their wishes for what to do when they can’t take care of themselves and more, and what their expectations are. Planning for disability is much less expensive then paying retail for it or having to suddenly move house to accommodate an aging parent.
100. Remember, everything is negotiable … the job offer, the housecleaner, the hotel room, the furniture store, the stuff you’re buying from Craigslist, the discount at the department store, the landlord, the caterer. Pretty much anything you can walk away from you can negotiate.

Spirit: Holiday Apologies

I am sorry, friend, that I can't make your holiday thing this year. I can't add one more thing to the calendar for fear of imploding. I love you so much though.

I am sorry, dogs, that I can't take you out at 4 in the morning. Go ahead and pee in the kitchen, see if I care. OK, I do care. But I'm still not taking you out at 4 a.m.

I am sorry, Christmas presents, but if you could please wrap yourselves this year that would go a long way.

I am sorry, housekeeper, that I can't make the place a little easier to work with when you come every two weeks. I would really, really, like to. I might not have the technical knowledge though. I hope you don't leave us because we're too messy.

I am sorry, sweet baby girl, that your clothes, while, clean, are stuffed in your drawer with no apparent organization. I do keep shoes, socks and hats in the bottom, though, if that helps.

I am sorry, husband, that I walk around with mascara smudged under my eyes and my black sweatpants that I originally got for my mom but kept for myself. And that I go to bed much later than you. That is because I am trying to stave off an avalanche of our stuff until every other Wednesday when the housekeeper comes, usually.

I am sorry, shrink, that I stopped going to you after the baby came. I would actually like to speak with you sometimes but I think I should use that money to pay the housekeeper for an extra week.

Here is what I am not sorry about, though. I am not sorry I have an amazing family, a warm cute home albeit small and cluttered, food in the fridge, a smart & talented & beautiful baby, and a husband who brings in a Christmas tree every year without being asked.

Money: A Fork in the Road Is Better than a Fork in the Eye

I've been blessed to have really smart, wild-minded and powerful women around me my whole life. I have many mothers and friends and sisters. When I lived in Seattle I was in a group of entrepreneurial women who met monthly. And Kathlyn and I would meet each week and go down a list of stuff we'd need to accomplish in the personal, professional and creative realms, and then report back to each other on status over a cup of tea and giant muffin at Irwin's Bakery.

Over six years, Kathlyn and I moved to Los Angeles, got jobs, got boyfriends, got shacked up, and got married. Our little formal accountability system faded away. Recently we started up again with a small group that includes an artist/gallerist, a writer/educational consultant, a chef/journalist, a public affairs consultant/strategist, an executive director for a nonprofit/art historian.

I wish with all my heart I could be one of those "stay at home bitches"* who spends the day doing art projects with the kid and hitting the zoo and figuring out how to cobble together dinner. When I was on maternity leave, I had a lot of guilt and fear and distress at the prospect of returning to work, as people would come over with their offerings of homemade blankets and adorable baby clothes and baked goods and tell me how stressy everything was at work. The anxiety was worse than the re-entry, though. I slid right back into it.

Last night the group of entrepreneurial women met at my house. It was my turn to take 10 minutes to talk about my situation and I explained that where I work now is undergoing a reorganization. There has been a lot of anxiety over a year about how it will play out, and in a way, I'd be disappointed if there were no change to my job at all. Meanwhile, I have had three very decent companies (and even a recruiter calling about my OLD job!) come calling to see if I am interested in talking to them. I am certainly interested in hearing what they have to say. But nobody is making any sudden moves.

It took sitting in this group, with my baby falling asleep into sweet breathy little dreams on my chest, to help me realize I am standing at a proverbial fork. There is no strong wind or blinding neon sign to guide the way. There are no omens. Only pros and cons and known vs. unknown.

So I will wait patiently at the fork until the breeze picks up and pushes me. That way I have time and space to watch my baby sleep.

* I know a lot of these women and they are not actually, personally, bitches. I know they have made a lot of sacrifices to stay home and it's hard work. It's the jealousy talking.

Money: How to Land on Your Feet When You're out of Work

Today's Q & A is with Lisa Beck, the national strategy officer for Fresh Start Women's Foundation. The organization is dedicated to helping women in transition.

1. What is Fresh Start and how did it begin?
Sisters Pat Petznick and Beverly Stewart wanted to help women who, like their grandmother, suddenly became the sole support of their families. So in 1992, they started a non-profit organization in Phoenix called Fresh Start Women’s Foundation. Aiming to empower women to transform their lives through engagement and education, they created the first comprehensive self-help center for women in the country. And it has been quite a success. Fresh Start has helped more than 200,000 women through career changes, divorce, new financial plans and other life transitions.

In March 2011, Fresh Start launched a new national website to offer women around the country these same resources. Through www.wehelpwomen.com, women can now take interactive e-learning courses on career, finance and personal development.

2. It's heartbreaking to have to start over in a job or relationship when you're in your 40s. What's the first step after chocolate and wine?
The first step would be to reach out for support. There are people and organizations such as ours that can help get you back on your feet financially, professionally and personally.

3. What's the most important thing a woman in her 40s should know about looking for a new job?
There is a new world of work out there. The concept of “go to college, find a good job and stay there until retirement” really no longer applies. One of our career e-courses titled Career Invention shows women how to take advantage of the new opportunities the modern-day work environment offers.

4. How can you act confident when it seems like every answer is always "no"?
One of the most important rules in this new work environment is “Work Has Many Unexpected Forms.” There are many new opportunities to make money. So if you don’t land the job in the corporate world right away, consider turning a hobby into an online business. With modern-day tools, you can get a business up and running quickly and with little to no overhead. (Our Career Invention e-course can show you how.)

5. Can you tell us a success story about a Fresh Start member?
Ann DeWolf was a 51-year-old divorcee stuck in the humdrum of administrative work for more than six years. Wishing to go back to her love of sales, the fear of failure kept her from pursuing her dream.

Seeking guidance in her career change, Ann came to Fresh Start, and what she learned truly changed her life.

Not only did Fresh Start give her the necessary tools and knowledge but a new-found perspective on how to find the right career for her. The career courses helped her create a vision and the strategies to achieve her goals. She learned interview techniques, how to highlight her skills and gained the confidence to apply for positions she may never have considered before.

A residential resale representative for the no. 1 security company in America, Ann now has an exciting career that challenges her every day.

Work: How Do You Balance Work and Life?

This week six very smart and lovely women came to my house. We were on a mission, aside from eating rare fresh jackfruit, fun cheeses and dark chocolate. It was an inaugural meeting of a new club of sorts. We will meet once a month and have online time during the week to support each other and provide resources and networking. We're all women entrepreneurs, each in a vastly different business but each also with a thread of a connection to each other: One person needs an intern, the other looking for time to fill until she figures out her business. A gallery owner and an art historian. One with a busy B-level career on her way to an A, and people with A-level jobs who can help her perhaps. And there was me, trying to figure out how do I get everything done for the 40licious book I am writing, outside of my full-time day job. Lots of good suggestions -- write at lunch. Write in the morning. Take your space. Carve your time.

I am tired at the end of the day. I want to walk the dogs, watch Mad Men on Netflix and eat Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia Frozen Yogurt. I want to like things on Facebook and read the work of others -- who had to carve their own time to write it.

How bad do I want it? I want it bad enough to get up at 5 a.m. every day, I guess.

Work: How to Design Your Own Career

Today's advice comes from Susanne Goldstein, an Ivy League-educated engineer-filmmaker-consultant-web designer-business strategist-career coach who has spent the past 25 years successfully inventing and reinventing herself. She has helped clients of every color and stripe be whatever they’ve wanted to be. Her book, "Carry a Paintbrush," is about creating your own idea work situation.

"Carry a Paintbrush" author Susanne Goldstein

It seems like it's becoming the wild West in terms of employment these days. What do you advise for women in their 40s who need to work but don't seem to be getting anywhere by answering ads?
I’m not surprised to hear that women aren’t getting anywhere by answering ads, and unfortunately they’re not the only one suffering from this. Hiring managers today are inundated with online applications and getting noticed amongst hundreds of resumes is a real challenge. As well, more and more employers are using search-based tools to separate weed out applicants that are pre-determined to not qualify for the position. The criteria for this electronic weeding are known only to the employer and makes getting selected from the criteria-based instead of personal.

Additionally, a typical job search is framed around finding lists of job openings, identifying matches and applying. In this model, job seekers are always trying to squeeze their skills, wants, hopes and vision of their career into the mold of the job description.

Because of these two limiting factors, you need to turn this model of job searching on its head. I encourage you to ignore job listings and instead use sites like Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com and others, as a resource to read organization profiles and identify places where you’d be a good fit, the kinds of products and service you want to work on, and the types of people you want to work with.
From there you can find “in” people who can help you nurture the development of your career network and build lasting relationships with the people who are already doing the kind of work you want to be doing.

I call this process "Reverse Engineering the Job Market," and it is extremely effective because a large percentage of hiring today happens when someone is directly introduced into the organization.

2. How does a person who has had a corporate job in a conservative place make a new job for herself?
Making a career change can be a daunting prospect for many. But with a strong conviction and a bit of creative framing, creating a new job for yourself can be a fun and exhilarating process.

Metaphorically speaking, I like to think that I always carry with me a Bucket of Paint and a Paintbrush. When I see something interesting that I want to learn about, experience, or engage with, I take out my Paintbrush, Paint a Door, open it, and walk through. By using a Paintbrush, you will begin to believe that creating anything you want is possible.

But before you can paint a new door, you need to Know Who You Are, and What You Want to Be. Through brainstorming and self-reflection, you can discover The Sweet Spot where your Passions, Interests and Skills intersect, and then begin pursing career opportunities at that Sweet Spot. By following this process, you will end up pursuing opportunities where your passion and energy will be infectious. People will want to get on board with your vision, and from there anything is possible.

3. What advice can you offer someone who wants to go into a completely new field? Can she even hope to make as much money as she was?
The short answer is, “yes!” The medium answer is “yes, and it might take some time.” This is the longer answer:

People often want to change fields because there is some sort of dissatisfaction in their current situation. Understanding the root of this discord is essential before moving on to something new. If you are in a field where you make a ton of money, but the hours are impossible and you feel like you’re not able to live the life you really crave, then you need to evaluate which is more important to you, time or money. If you are in a high-paying job where you aren’t passionate about the product being offered, you have to evaluate which is more important to you: money or doing something you believe in.

As you evaluate why you want to move onto something new, consider creating a “decision-making framework” that can help you better understand what is important to you, and help you determine what trade-offs you’re willing to make.

Once you’ve done that evaluation, you’re ready to make a move. The good news is that in today’s employment market, especially at the mid-high levels of management, companies are more and more open to lateral moves across industries and across corporate departments. Employers are looking for candidates that have well-rounded experience and can help the company to move to the next level. You may very well be that candidate.

Wherever you decide to jump next, make sure that you are moving into a position where you will be inspired to do your job every day. Without that internal passion and motivation, you might find yourself back where you started.


4. What are the other most important things a woman in her 40s should be thinking about when it comes to her career?
Each one of us has different needs as we enter our mid-career years. For some it is balancing motherhood and career. For others it might be a need to contribute. Each one of us is different, and there is no formula for what will make us feel whole. The trick is to know what makes YOU feel whole. Two important things to consider when thinking about your career are: 1) what kind of contributor do you want to be, and 2) what size of stage do you want to play on.

As your working life has developed, it is often the case that you find yourself pigeon-holed into a style of working that just doesn’t fit. Women in their mid-career years have enough life and work experience to know what makes them most happy, productive and successful, and it is time to apply that thinking to what kind of work you want to be doing for the second half of your career. Consider whether you are happiest and most productive when you work on your own as an individual contributor, with others as a team player, organizing others as a manager, guiding others as a leader or building something new as an entrepreneur or solo practitioner. These are a few of the many styles in which you can contribute to any organization or project and figuring out which one fits you best will help guide you as you consider your options moving forward.

It’s also important to consider the size of state that you want to play on—in other words, what size of influence or impact do you want to have? Some people are at their best when they are helping individual or small groups, where others can’t rest until their impact is felt on a national or global scale. Take a moment to think about the kind of impact you want to be having and look for positions that will allow you to do that kind of work.

As a woman in your 40s, know that you have an awful lot to give to any company or organization that you join. The experience and confidence you gained as you left your 30s behind are invaluable assets in your sure-footed 40s.

Spirit: Alexander McQueen and why we need to move on our life's work

I am in New York this week. This is the city that made me think and feel and act as I do. It made me love certain things and loathe others. When I am anywhere else, including my Los Angeles home, the world is in smudgy pastels. In New York, it is wild crisp color.

I have the great delight of showing my husband this city, so we are taking tours and seeing iconic places. We went to the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Met and I stood there, tears brimming with the creative beauty and talent of a man gone from our lifetime. And I was never more clear on the message that if we are to create something of beauty, our great work, the piece that will allow us to die happy and fulfilled, we need to get on it now. No excuses. We are 40licious and it is time to take everything we have learned and use it.

What will you start or finish today? If you are on it, how is it going?

Profile: Sue Chipperton's Trained the Taco Bell Dog and Other Famous Four Legged Friends

"I have two sea lion bites, I have been thrown across a barn with enormous velocity by a ram (who knew?), and hit in the face by dolphins."

Sue Chipperton is a Hollywood star maker, but not in the way you'd expect. The 40licious animal trainer has made a career by helping her four-legged (and sometimes two-finned) friends steal the small and silver screens, most notably Gidget, the Taco Bell chihuahua. Chipperton's new book, A Famous Dog's Life: The Story of Gidget, America's Most Beloved Chihuahua, with co-author Rennie Dyball, is fresh from the press. I had a few questions about what appears to be the most fun job ever.

1. If you love animals, it seems like being a trainer is a dream job. How did you get into that line of work?
I started as a marine mammal trainer. I had moved to Florida from England when I was 19. I managed to get a job as an assistant trainer at a small park in Fort Lauderdale called Ocean World. This is where I learned the basics of training.

However, after doing this wonderful job for quite a few years I felt it was time to move on. I moved to California with the hopes of getting a job training studio animals. After a few false starts I started working as an intern at Studio Animal Services in Los Angeles in 1994. It was here I learned the ropes of being on set, training animals for television, breaking down scripts and storyboards with animal action and developing my own style of training all kinds of animals to do all kinds of crazy things!!


2. Why are pets important?
Well, I strongly believe that pets are important as long as you have the means and the financial capability to take care of them, in sickness and in health!! I don't think its everyone's right to have a dog or a cat, or a rabbit or a goldfish. The same way as I think some people should not have children. People may disagree with me on that. But if you get a dog and then abandon it to your back yard or worse - there is really no reason for you to have a dog. A dog should be a part of the family. It should have everything that you or I would expect, love, food, shelter and medical care when needed. Responsible spaying or neutering your pet is another factor. Having a litter of puppies just so your children can experience the wonder of the "joy of birth" is ridiculous and irresponsible. Rent a National Geographic DVD for that. So, pets ARE an important part of our lives when you have the means to take care of a pet. In return you will get unconditional love and companionship beyond your wildest dreams. You will have a snuggler to cuddle up with to watch a movie on a cold and rainy night. An athlete to keep up with you on your hikes in the canyons and woods. A buddy to take on the road with you for work or travels. A protector when you are feeling insecure or unsafe. A swimmer for all those boat trips and beach days - the list is endless. Matching your pet to your personality is vital for a happy union!!


3. Was there ever a time you wanted to quit, or thought you'd want to do something else?
Yes. Being a studio animal trainer is a diverse and hugely rewarding job. However it is a job. And you still have days when you are standing on set with a director yelling at you and you have no idea why you are there, and why you could not be happy working in a bank!!

Also, as I get older I am looking to branch out and do other things. My job is very physical and sadly when I look at trainers older than I, the majority of them have broken bodies. I do not want to do this until I retire. My body has already taken a beating over the years. I have a torn labrum in my shoulder (basically shredded cartilage). Spondylosis, while not a result of my work, it sure does hinder me in some ways. And numerous scars, from cats to dogs, I have two sea lion bites, I have been thrown across a barn with enormous velocity by a ram (who knew?), hit in the face by dolphins. Falling, missteps while jogging backwards on set to get out of the shot while working...The list goes on.


4. What business advice would you give someone in her 40s who wants to work with animals?

Ha ha. See above!! There are plenty of studio animal trainers working that are over 40. However, when you look at how and when they started, I would say universally they all started young. Our job requires a long internship. You have a lot to learn in this job. You do not start making a decent living until years down the road and even then you do not have a guarantee of a paycheck each week. In fact in today's economy there are a lot of starving studio animal trainers out there. Trainers who would normally be making a very good living. People who come and intern for us are usually fresh out of school, maybe they still live with their parents, or as many younger people do - they live in a home with 3 or 4 room mates. Not something someone over forty is usually willing to do. However, there are plenty of jobs out there working with animals that are rewarding and not structured like a studio animal trainer. I always said that when I retire (or become independently wealthy and no longer have to work!) I would train one or two dogs (my pets) for search and rescue - which is all volunteer work.


5. Anything else you'd like to tell us about your life or your work?
I have a blog that I started just over a year ago. It is a mishmash of things from my life as animal trainer, to my search for the perfect cup cake (so far, Bristol Farms "Black Forest" cupcake) with a few rants and raves thrown in for good measure.

My life has been a very rewarding one. I have never lasted in a job that I did not enjoy. Before I was an animal trainer I was a children's nanny for three kids and traveled the world, I worked as crew on a luxury motor yacht for over a year, I was a make up/beauty consultant for Ultima II before I moved to the States and years later went to school to learn special effects for film makeup. There was a three to four year stint as a production coordinator/talent scout for Chippendales (Yes! THAT Chippendales) where I basically looked for men to hire and was assistant to the owner. I've worked in vet offices and retail and have never looked back, always forward. Today I have many thoughts for the future. Photography is a huge passion. I have some inventions that I would like to see take off, and who knows, maybe another book!