How to Get a Rich Man and and Other Things You Might Need to Know

Today's guest is Donna Spangler, a beauty, fitness and lifestyle expert, blogger and author of "How to Get a Rich Man; The Princess Formula." But before you click off this page in disgust and think that she's undermining everything we've worked so hard for, read on to see what she means by "rich," it's better than it sounds. Donna is at work on another book and about to launch her line of Donna Spangler Beauty cosmetics. 

Donna Spangler

1. Finances get really complicated for couples when we're in our 40s, especially if there's a wide disparity in incomes. How can you avoid the money issue in a relationship?

Being a couple is first and foremost, a partnership.  When you commit to each other, you are committing to building a life together.  Complications with money usually occur when there is a lack of communication.  It is imperative that complex money issues are discussed with one another.  You need to both express where you each see the money going and how you feel it should be spent.  For example…Is the money going towards a vacation or towards the children’s school tuition?  You need to clearly lay out what each persons financial responsibility is and if the responsibility is fair.  Often one spouse makes more money than the other.  In this case, establish and understand that perhaps they will then carry the bulk of the financial obligations.  In a relationship, money should always be distributed in a fair and equal manner to ensure a harmonious and long relationship.  Any unfair distribution of finances will often lead to resentment and problems down the line.  The bottom line is to always lay down the ground rules of what each person expects of themselves and the other at the very beginning!    

2. You look amazing. What's your surprising secret, beyond genes, eating right and exercising?

I believe in doing everything possible to help maintain a vital and healthy body. Vitamins are very important for me.  I take them daily to ensure I am getting those vitamins that I may have missed in my diet.  I love protein shakes and I eat a ton of vegetables and very lean meat.  I exercise regularly with weights and I do Taekwondo and I make sure to get ample hours of sleep.  I drink a ton of water.  Water cleans out your body, helps promote healthy skin and it makes you feel fuller throughout the day so you don’t get as hungry.  I admit that like many gals out there, I do a little Botox here and there.  I go to the dentist regularly and I visit my hair stylist to maintain my hair cut and color.  Looking good is a heck of a lot of work.  The older we get, the more diligent we gals have to be. I’m not saying that I am trying to look like a teenager or someone in my 20s.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am just saying that as we age, keeping up our appearance and maintaining a strong body is important for our health and our mental well-being.

3. You wrote a book about how to marry a rich man. How is that different than gold digging? What else is important for women in their 40s to seek out in a mate that they might not have valued earlier in their lives?

My book, How To Get A Rich Man: The Princess Formula came out in 2007 and since then it has been translated into multiple languages.  The title is sort of tongue and cheek.  My main message in the book is for women to be the best that they can be to attract the right kind of man that is ultimately rich in heart and spirit.  If you can find one with an abundance of financial means, there is nothing wrong with that but it is not the most important thing.  Most women want a man who is loyal, loving, kind, considerate, humorous and respects them.  Finding a man with common interests and the same goals in life is important for the right chemistry.  You can find the richest man in the world but if he does not love and respect you, then he is worthless in my opinion.   

4. Anything else you think is important to know about life after 40? 

Life after 40 should be empowering!  After 40 we have finally gained so much wisdom and insight.  We should be fearless in going after all of our goals.  We should lose the fear that often traps us.  Don’t look at yourself as getting “old.” Look at yourself as getting “better” and empower yourself!  Start looking at yourself as someone who has a lot to contribute to this world.  Above all, spread your love and goodness and enjoy life’s ever-abundant journey!

Affairs nobody wants to talk about are the most important

My dad's 2003 death left a wake of confusion and conflict that went beyond the great loss of one of the universe's shining stars. 

Dad didn't mean for it to go like that. A few years before, he'd had a will hastily drawn up on his way to the airport before traveling to Europe for a medical procedure, and never bothered to update it or have it thoroughly checked out when he returned.

Elizabeth McGrady

Organizing Dad's wake was a no-brainer: Bring all the food and booze from his house to the Community Center in Lilliwaup, Wash., (which serves as our family hub in times of celebration and mourning) and hire some guy to wail on the bagpipes. Tell some stories. After that, we just didn't know how to "do" death. We'd all had different interpretations of what the will actually meant, and what Dad would have wanted. I'm ashamed to say that even though he'd tried to talk to me about "when the time comes," I wasn't brave enough to have the conversation.  

I think about the fragility of life a lot. But I was sparked into action to organize my own end-of-life affairs after a visit to my excellent cousin Elizabeth McGrady, who runs a company called Angel Files out of Portland, Maine. She helps people organize all their personal and household information and "death wishes," if you will, in case of an accident or worse.

Here are some thoughts from Elizabeth about making the plans nobody ever wants to see come through. 

1. Wait, you mean our affairs don't magically take care of themselves when we die? What's the most important thing someone our age needs to know about how to plan for the end of their lives?

By having your memorial plans written down, you can release thoughts of the unknown and replace this with a sense of empowerment that your final chapter in life has been drafted. This can be one of the kindest things you can do for your family and friends. This way, they are not making big decisions during their time of grieving, but honoring your wishes.  

2. In your work creating Angel Files, what's the most common misperception people have about organizing their lives so that others can close up their affairs?

If people have their financial affairs in order they believe they are "all set."  I believe to leave a meaningful legacy behind is important, such as the story of your life and your experiences. Also,  the story of your home and its possessions.  People don't have the time to have items assessed so valuables can go to Goodwill and lawn sales. If there is a story of an heirloom, let people know what is it so they can know why it's important -- either sentimental value, monetary value, or both.

3. Talk to us about funeral homes. Essential services or ripoffs?

 I have enjoyed interviewing funeral homes, they are very willing to share information.  They are trained, educated and looked after by the FTC.  It is like any business in that it is up to you to be a savvy consumer.  In an emotional state you can add all kinds of things that raise the price.  They take great care of having the bodies treated with respect and dignity.  In some states you do not have to use a funeral home, but realize that there is paperwork that has to be exact in order for everything to be done on your own. It is wise to research the crematory process or the burial process if you wish to do it yourself. Then if you do choose a funeral home you will know exactly what they have done for you.

4. When you're in your 40s, it's so complicated, there are ex-spouses, new spouses, stepkids, maybe even grandkids. What's the best way to organize your affairs so people don't feel left out or cheated? Should you decide who gets Grandma's ring before you die, or just let them duke it out?

It would be helpful to have a draft of who you would like to be beneficiaries and list them by what percentage you would like each individual or charity to receive.  If you have possessions, such as Grandma's ring, it might be worth it to open up a conversation with your family and ask them which five items would they like to receive from you if they had a wish list. It would give you an idea as to what exactly people would wish for instead of assigning items. 

5. Anything else people should know?

Memorial services and funerals can cost half as much as a wedding. A wedding takes many hours to plan, as does a tribute done well to honor someone's life. It is a process and most of it can be enjoyable but the work involved shouldn't be underestimated.  I know people pull it together in a few days or a week, but do you want this frenzy of activity to be planned when people are grieving? I have amassed a checklist and it has more than 130 items on it. After death there are still about 30 items to be done such as: Sending out the death notice to newspapers, contacting people, details of the service, photos organized, music chosen, body choices, a lot of paperwork to be done and many, many minute tasks.  An organized plan would be so appreciated by your loved ones and you can know your end of life tribute will be authentic if you take the time in planning this.

Money: 100 Ways to Keep More Money in Your Pocket

Image courtesy peasap from Flickr Creative Commons

Last night some friends and I held a brainstorming session on Facebook about ways to save or make money. Here's what we have so far:    

1. Hold clothing swaps with your friends – everyone brings their never-wear-but-too-good-to-get-rid-of clothes, shoes and accessories.  
2. Shop at thrift stores.
3. Split entrees at restaurants, or take leftovers home.
4. Look on Craigslist or EBay first for electronics and furniture.
5. Ask your stylist to hook you up with haircolor so you can do your own roots in between visits. Drugstores also have root treatments that can help until your next appointment. And, if you find the right non-damaging product and you’re good enough to do it yourself, try home color.
6. Trade babysitting with friends.
7. Walk instead of taking cabs in NYC. It's usually quicker.
8. Make your own dog treats. Cheaper and you know what's in them.
9. Shop at farmers markets for in-season produce, which tastes better and is usually cheaper than the supermarket.
10. Don't order takeout or delivery unless there's a legit reason.
11. Buy food that won’t go bad quickly (such as oatmeal or beans) in bulk instead of cans.smaller portion … if the math works out. Sometimes you can also find crazygood sales on the smaller items.
12. Make your own coffee in the morning and bring it with you in a travel mug to work.
13. Negotiate with your phone company, cable company and Internet provider. They don't want to lose your business. I've only been paying a tiny amount for Internet service for years because I threaten to leave every six months.
14. Stop buying bottled water – for what other product would you happily pay a 1,000 percent markup?
15. Get a soda stream and a water filter so you can make your own bubbly water to replace your ridiculous Pellegrino habit.
16. Stop smoking.
17. Use both sides of the paper.
18. Stop emotional/impulse spending: If you're dying to get that dress/makeup/pair of boots, wait a day, see if you're still jonesing for it, then make the purchase.
19. Organize your stuff and have a place for everything: You'd be amazed how much extra stuff you buy when you're disorganized and can't find something you already have.
20. If you do NEED really need a new dress shop at Ross or TJ Max or some suchanother discount store first... If you do buy a dress full-price, make sure you love it, it’s good quality, and that you can wear it for a few years.
21. See if you can make Halloween costumes for your kids from stuff you already have (cowgirl, tourist, gypsy, zombie, nerd ), or swap costumes with friends or other parents.
22. You don’t need that much meat. Try using half, or go meatless a couple days a week.
23. Re-evaluate how much you're paying in bank fees, insurance, credit cards, etc. Do a full financial inventory. Try calling to get the fees waived or lowered.
24. Shop in your closet. Look for fresh ways to wear forgotten items.
25. Read parking signs carefully and keep cash in the car so you never get a parking ticket.
26. Kids grow so quickly that some of the best clothes hardly have a chance to be worn – consider a hand-me-down arrangement with a friend or family member, consignment, or thrift-store search.
27. Cook at home. Take a yogurt and granola bar for breakfast, and pack a nice lunch of leftovers or soup or cold cuts.
28. Give up alcohol for a month and you'll save money and even lose weight.
29. Fabric painting and decorative patches: they save stains and holes in clothes, brighten them up and give them a new look.
30. Get worn boots and shoes that still look good resoled, don't throw instead of throwing them out.
31. Ribbons make great shoelaces.
32. Use it up, wear it out, make it do ... or do without.
33. Use your apps to keep an up-to-date inventory/shopping list.
34. Use a lipstick brush to get every last drop of your favorite color!
35. Thrift-shop online at Poshmark, Twice and Threadflip.
36. Trade skills at your local time bank: Some neighborhoods have organizations in which members can barter their time and skills for other goods and services.
37. Try getting it at Trader Joe's or the ethnic market before the regular supermarket.
38. Grow your own herbs.
39. A chicken or turkey gets double mileage when you use the carcass for stew or soup.
40. Use Freecycle and Craiglist to score free stuff. Sometimes it's yours for the asking.
41. There's this thing called the library where you can get free books, music and movies. Seriously. For reals..
42. Order cleaning supplies, health and beauty aids, diapers and other non-perishable stuff you replace regularly through Amazon.com Subscribe 'n' Save, which saves you a big percentage off the price, as well as time shopping and parking. If you’re a frequent online shopper, the Amazon Prime service is totally worth it: You get free shipping and access to hundreds of on-demand videos.
43. What can you do as a side gig? Copyedit? Build websites? Babysit? Walk dogs? Housesit? Teach guitar? Draw pet portraits? Paint decorative mailboxes? If you think about it long enough you'll figure out your side gig. One person I know saved up enough from cocktail waitressing on her off-hours to put a down payment on a house.
44. Aside from the library, there's soooo much music you can listen to for free: try Spotify, Pandora and of course, you can go to the library and get music risk-free and download podcasts or live-streaming from your favorite radio station. (I’m a huge fan of Santa Monica’s KCRW.)
45. Upcycle your clothes: Can that dated dress become a cool tunic top? With the flash of the scissors and a little sewing skill (or learn for free on YouTube) that unwearable cashmere sweater with the moth holes can turn into cute leg warmers or  the best scarf ever. If you're good at it, you can sell your creations on Etsy.
46. Use your fresh and perishable food first so it doesn't go bad. If necessary, develop a system in your refrigerator so that the food that needs to be eaten first is most accessible.
47. Join a Yahoo! online community specific to your profession, neighborhood , hobby, interest or kids’ age. You’ll be amazed how generous people can be with advice, discounts, insider information and gear.
48. Use Gasbuddy or another app to help you find the least-expensive gas in your neighborhood.
49. A neighborhood mechanic can change the oil just as well as your auto dealer can but usually for less. Shop around and develop a great relationship with someone who can work on your car.
50. Get your utility to come out and do a free energy audit of your home. You’ll learn low- and no-cost options for saving money on energy.
51. Combine trips and errands in the car to save gas and time. Don’t go to the store for just one ingredient – use what you have, improvise, or borrow from a neighbor.
52. Use Netflix streaming ($9/month) and shut off cable ($30+/month)
53. Dinners out with friends can get really expensive. Let your friends know you’re trying to save money and join them for a glass of wine, cup of coffee or dessert.  
54. Shop for recycled building materials before you plan your home building or renovation, you might save thousands.
55. Slay your energy vampires: Unplug chargers and other devices when they’re not in use. Anything with a clock or light on it is still “on” when it says it’s “off.” You can also invest in a smart power strip that knows which devices don’t need to be energized 24/7.
56. “Set and forget” your temperature with a programmable thermostat that keeps your air conditioning and heating from working too hard when you’re not in the house, but so you can come home to a comfortable room.
57. A microwave uses far less power than an electric stove, and in the summer it won’t heat your home so you save on air-conditioning costs.
58. CFL and LED lightbulbs use a fraction of the energy that incandescent bulbs do. They also create less heat, so your air conditioner doesn’t have to work as hard in the summer.
59. Do your holiday shopping year-round, and keep a “generic gift” box going so that you don’t need to blow your cash around the holidays.
60. Negotiate your property tax if that’s possible where you live.
61. Use the ATM for your bank so you don’t have to pay out-of-network fees. Most credit unions let you use any other credit union’s ATM for free.
62. Consider giving up either your landline or cell phone – keep the one you use the most.
63. Set up automatic deductions to a savings account that is not linked to your paycheck. You are less likely to spend what you can’t see.
64. Keep track of every penny you spend through a spread sheet or a program such as Mint, then take a good look at where your money is going and see where you can easily cut back.
65. Share a Netflix movie membership with a friend.
66. Cancel your cable and watch shows on DVD or directly from the channel’s website.
67. Develop a hobby and use what you make for gifts, or to sell on Etsy, eBay or your own website.
68. Borrow a special occasion dress you’ll only wear once from a friend.
69. Stop drinking soda, drink water instead. It’s better for you and will help your skin tremendously.
70. See if your yoga studio or gym offers a work-study program in exchange for classes.
71. That lint in the dryer? It’s your clothes slowly decomposing. Line drying saves energy and helps your clothes last longer.
72. Instead of going to a pet store or a breeder, adopt a pet from a shelter and take advantage of the low-cost vaccinations and spay/neuter service usually provided.
73. Evaluate your subscriptions: Are you really reading that newspaper and those magazines? Is there anything you could read for free online instead?
74. Save gift wrapping, pretty shopping bags and tissue paper for wrapping other gifts.
75. Save and recycle last year’s Christmas cards by cutting them up and creating funky, unique collage cards with a new note on the back.
76. Cut the picture side of a card off and use it as a postcard.
77. You’d be amazed how well vinegar and baking soda clean the house, toxin-free.
78. Honestly? You don’t need to wash your hair every day. Unless you work somewhere it gets really dirty.
79. A full refrigerator or freezer is more efficient and costs less to run than an empty one. Even water jugs work just fine.
80. A small crack around a door or your windows is the equivalent of a hole in your wall. Invest a couple dollars and a few minutes in weather-stripping your home so you don’t spend as much to heat and cool it.
81. Learn an incredible trick and bet people $5 that you can do what seems impossible.
82. Turn out lights when you leave a room. You know, like your dad said.
83. Moths can take out an entire winter wardrobe in a few days. Save soap slivers or cedar shavings in a zipper bag with holes poked in it, and store it with your clothes. You can also store clothes in a vacuum-sealed bag or sealed plastic container.
84. Most theaters in major cities have discount outlets where you can buy half-price tickets. You can also get on the theater’s mailing list for special deals.
85. If you had a particularly good or bad customer experience, take a moment to write to the company – you may get a discount.
86. Book your air travel as early in advance as possible and use a service such a kayak.com to predict the best time to buy a ticket.
87. Adopt a low-maintenance hairstyle that suits your life – you’ll save time as well as money on products and frequent cuts.
88. If you’re shopping for a specific make or model of a major purchase, such as a computer, camera or appliance and can’t find it used, go online to a shopping comparison site such as Shopzilla or Pricegrabber to find free shipping and the best deals.
89. How much are you spending on storage? Do some hard math: Say you have $1,000 worth of items and you pay $150 a month to store them. That’s $1,800 per year you’re spending to keep things you rarely use. If you’re storing sentimental items that have absolutely no value, offer a friend with a bigger home half that to keep your stuff in her garage, basement or attic.
90. If you have a separate living space or if you’ll be away for a while, consider signing up with a vacation rental service such as Vacation Rentals By Owner, which can match you up with someone happy to rent on a nightly, weekly or monthly basis.
91. Save hundreds of dollars by scouring thrift stores for eyeglass frames and getting your own lenses put it.
92. Sign up for a daily email from Dailyworth.com for free advice on ways to save, earn more and invest.
93. Stop impulse buying in the drug store. Before you go, see what you can use up or combine (if you’re like me, you may have two or three bottles of shampoo and several half-full body creams in rotation at any one time) before buying new.
94. Before springing for a hotel, post on Facebook or another network that you’re coming to town and need an inexpensive place to stay. Hopefully you’ll get an invitation from a friend or a friend-of-a-friend; otherwise you’ll at least have great insider scoops on cheap-but-good places to stay.
95. Before signing up for a costly gym membership, see if they’ll bargain with you. And also consider what natural resources you have for exercise – can you run in a nearby park, woods or beach? Is there a playground near you with exercise equipment?
96. If you’re considering going back to school and don’t necessarily need the credit, check out the multitude of free online educational lectures available from Ivy League professors and TED conference speakers. www.education-portal.com is a good place to start.
97. If you rent, be an amazing tenant. Any sane landlord may cut you a deal when your lease is up, or not raise the rent, in order to keep you there.
98. Make double and freeze half your dinner (and label the container!); you’ll have a full stock of ready-to-heat food so you won’t be tempted to order takeout when there’s nothing in the fridge.
99. It’s one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have, but talk to your parents about their wishes for what to do when they can’t take care of themselves and more, and what their expectations are. Planning for disability is much less expensive then paying retail for it or having to suddenly move house to accommodate an aging parent.
100. Remember, everything is negotiable … the job offer, the housecleaner, the hotel room, the furniture store, the stuff you’re buying from Craigslist, the discount at the department store, the landlord, the caterer. Pretty much anything you can walk away from you can negotiate.

Money: Is Owning a Home Your American Dream?

Only one of about 1,000 press releases catches our eye here, like this one from TD Bank. (We came for the news but stayed for the infographic.)   A recent study by TD Bank reveals that 64 percent of women believe homeownership is essential in defining the American Dream. In comparison, only 52 percent of men felt owning a home was important. Furthermore, aspirations of homeownership are more prominent with women, with 66 percent of current female renters stating they intend to own a home in the future as opposed to 57 percent of men.

 What do you think? Is a home essential to YOUR American Dream?

Money: It's Different for Women in Their 40s

Kevin Brosius

Today's interview is with Kevin Brosius, president of Wealth Management, Inc. He is a fee-only financial planner (which means he's not paid by an investment firm to sell their products) and investment advisor with offices in Allentown and Plymouth Meeting, Pa.

  1. By the time a woman hits 40, there are a lot of variables she may be facing financially, especially if she's dealing with a blended family, supporting a spouse, or starting over again financially. What are some of the most common financial situations you see for women in their 40s?
I used to do some work for a law firm, providing a financial overview for divorced couples after their divorce is final. 90% of those that took advantage of the session were women (average age 40-50) and overwhelmingly what I found was that most were legitimately surprised about their financial situation. I don’t think the post breakup financials for everything from current cash flow to retirement savings were properly thought out or negotiated. It can be devastating to find out that you can’t afford your home and have to move out. Another issue I see with women is their desire to pay for their children’s college in full. Even divorced women with limited resources seem to want to go down this path. That can be a huge expense and usually a very difficult strain on family finances, especially if it is a single paycheck household. First thing I tell them is don’t commit to that for your children unless your retirement is fully funded.

  2. What are the most important ways a woman in her 40s should protect her assets, even if she is blissfully coupled? Make sure you have the appropriate levels of insurance. I think many women don’t give this enough due diligence. Disability Insurance is so very important as women age (men too for that matter). We are three times more likely to be disabled than die before we retire. If your employer doesn’t provide one as part of your benefits package, get a commercial package but don’t go without it. Have enough life insurance to provide for your family should something happen to you. There are many cases where the woman is the major breadwinner for the family. Should her paycheck suddenly disappear, it would be a real hardship. Also, check out long term care policies. Take a look in any nursing home, vast majority of residents are women. This care can really drawdown assets in a hurry. Get a quote for LTC, see if it fits your budget.

 3. What are the most fair ways to arrange or split finances if one partner makes more than the other? Or should it all just go in one pot? I like the single pot approach. However, I have created budgets for remarried couples. A lot of them have some kind of arrangement like 50-50 for all household expenses, groceries, etc. Then they are on their own for autos or other activities they want to do. Seems to work for those that I worked with. As long as the arrangement is understood upfront, it’s usually OK.

 4. Anything else people should know? 
A lot of women in their 40’s don’t understand how their money is invested – like in 401ks or IRAs. They really seem to be clueless about this and that is very important to funding their retirement.

Where do you start to take control of your financial life? Read books, ask people, and you can also contact Kevin or another fee-only financial advisor through NAPFA. Happy planning!

Money: How to Score a Discount at the Spa

Today's post comes from discount diva Andrea Woroch, who gives us the lowdown on how to save at the spa.

1. Wellness Week
Today kicks off SpaFinder's Wellness Week. From now through Sunday you can indulge in your favorite treatment for just $50, or at savings up to 50-percent off, along with various free events. Find out which spas and salons are participating in your area by visiting SpaFinder.com.

2. Off-peak Perks
Weekday mornings are slow for most spas and salons so you can generally find deals during the morning hours. Call ahead to find out what discounts are available and take advantage of these off-peak perks.

3. Search for Savings
Consumers cut back on luxury services during tough economic times, so spas look for ways to boost business by extending specials offers to attract old and new clients. To find these exclusive deals, sign up to receive e-newsletters from your favorite spa or follow them on Facebook and Twitter. Alternatively, you can score up to 13 percent instantly by purchasing discount gift cards to SpaFinder from sites like GiftCardGranny.com.

4. Cut the Extras
Basic services like a massage or facial can be affordable as long as you skip the extras. Spa service providers may try to bump up your bill with enticing add-ons like an extended body treatment (extra 30 minutes), or perhaps an invigorating body scrub. Though the cost of these treatments seem minimal, the fees quickly add up, especially after you factor in gratuity.

5. Get Group Discounts
Many facilities will extend discounted rates for groups of five or more on various services and treatments. Organize a Sunday spa day with your gal pals and work with a spa manager on group pricing and package deals.

6. Student Savings
You don't have to be enrolled in school to enjoy student savings. Many massage and spa schools offer great rates or sometimes even free services from their students who need to practice their skills. These are extremely affordable resources for great spa and beauty services.

7. At-home Spa
Though chemical peels are best left to the experts, there are plenty of basic services like facials, manicures and body scrubs that can be done at home. To get the full spa experience, set the mood with soothing music, scented candles and bubble bath.

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Andrea Woroch is a nationally-recognized consumer and money-saving expert who helps consumers live on less without radically changing their lifestyles. From smart spending tips to personal finance advice, Andrea transforms everyday consumers into savvy shoppers. She has been featured among top news outlets such as Good Morning America, NBC's Today, MSNBC, New York Times, Kiplinger Personal Finance, CNNMoney and many more. You can follow her on Twitter for daily savings advice and tips.

Money: Everything Is Negotiable

My mother's genius astounds me. She is one of the most amazing artists I have ever seen. She is also very good with telling you who played opposite Cary Grant in North By Northwest and the love affairs of Rita Hayworth. She can also find the shining star in every single human being, no matter how many layers of grime obscure it.

But. There are some things.

I would probably check twice if she gave you directions on how to get somewhere. And there seems to always be some kind of dispute with the phone/cable/power/city people over something.

So I decided to work on getting Internet service for her and unravelling a torrid history of misunderstood promotions and failed promises with her local service provider. I called them.

The representative quoted me a price for her monthly service, $19.95. Which seemed fine. And then some back fee from a long time ago that needed to be cleared. And then a $4 "convenience fee."

"Convenient for whom?" I asked. "Look, I realize I have a lot of choices for Internet here. Don't lose us over a $4 fee."

"Hold on,"he said. I held, for a while.

"I can't refund the fee, but I can give you a $50 Visa gift card, is that OK?"

Yes, it was.

Feeling quite smug, I called my mom and relayed our conversation, and told her to call the company to book her service turn-on.

She called me back a couple days later. "I got them down to $9.99 a month. I just told them I know I have plenty of other options."

People will always try to lowball you. And even when you think you've hit the rock bottom, there's probably a little wiggle room under the rock.

Money: A Fork in the Road Is Better than a Fork in the Eye

I've been blessed to have really smart, wild-minded and powerful women around me my whole life. I have many mothers and friends and sisters. When I lived in Seattle I was in a group of entrepreneurial women who met monthly. And Kathlyn and I would meet each week and go down a list of stuff we'd need to accomplish in the personal, professional and creative realms, and then report back to each other on status over a cup of tea and giant muffin at Irwin's Bakery.

Over six years, Kathlyn and I moved to Los Angeles, got jobs, got boyfriends, got shacked up, and got married. Our little formal accountability system faded away. Recently we started up again with a small group that includes an artist/gallerist, a writer/educational consultant, a chef/journalist, a public affairs consultant/strategist, an executive director for a nonprofit/art historian.

I wish with all my heart I could be one of those "stay at home bitches"* who spends the day doing art projects with the kid and hitting the zoo and figuring out how to cobble together dinner. When I was on maternity leave, I had a lot of guilt and fear and distress at the prospect of returning to work, as people would come over with their offerings of homemade blankets and adorable baby clothes and baked goods and tell me how stressy everything was at work. The anxiety was worse than the re-entry, though. I slid right back into it.

Last night the group of entrepreneurial women met at my house. It was my turn to take 10 minutes to talk about my situation and I explained that where I work now is undergoing a reorganization. There has been a lot of anxiety over a year about how it will play out, and in a way, I'd be disappointed if there were no change to my job at all. Meanwhile, I have had three very decent companies (and even a recruiter calling about my OLD job!) come calling to see if I am interested in talking to them. I am certainly interested in hearing what they have to say. But nobody is making any sudden moves.

It took sitting in this group, with my baby falling asleep into sweet breathy little dreams on my chest, to help me realize I am standing at a proverbial fork. There is no strong wind or blinding neon sign to guide the way. There are no omens. Only pros and cons and known vs. unknown.

So I will wait patiently at the fork until the breeze picks up and pushes me. That way I have time and space to watch my baby sleep.

* I know a lot of these women and they are not actually, personally, bitches. I know they have made a lot of sacrifices to stay home and it's hard work. It's the jealousy talking.

Style: How to Fix a Hole in a Cashmere Sweater

While our boots straighten themselves up in the closet, anxiously awaiting to traipse and frolic in the chill of fall, our cashmere tends to come out beaten and defeated from wily critters that take a bite from the most inconvenient places. It makes me sad.

Here's a cashmere sweater I got for $1 at the thrift store. I figured I could darn the hole, but as I looked closer I got a better inspiration: Patch it. In a cool way.

So I ransacked my fabric bag and found the remains of a T-shirt I'd recycled as a dress for a friend's baby. Then I found an image of a bird silhoutte I liked online, and to make it the right size, just copied it to a Word document and expanded it. Then I cut it out and traced around it on the T-shirt fabric, and sewed it on with black thread.

Sad for me but happily for someone else, it turns out this sweater is a little TOO complimentary to my bustline, so I will end up passing it along.

Send in your stories and pictures of [clothing] salvation and we'll feature them on 40licious!

I liked the bird so much he lives on my window now.

Money: How to Land on Your Feet When You're out of Work

Today's Q & A is with Lisa Beck, the national strategy officer for Fresh Start Women's Foundation. The organization is dedicated to helping women in transition.

1. What is Fresh Start and how did it begin?
Sisters Pat Petznick and Beverly Stewart wanted to help women who, like their grandmother, suddenly became the sole support of their families. So in 1992, they started a non-profit organization in Phoenix called Fresh Start Women’s Foundation. Aiming to empower women to transform their lives through engagement and education, they created the first comprehensive self-help center for women in the country. And it has been quite a success. Fresh Start has helped more than 200,000 women through career changes, divorce, new financial plans and other life transitions.

In March 2011, Fresh Start launched a new national website to offer women around the country these same resources. Through www.wehelpwomen.com, women can now take interactive e-learning courses on career, finance and personal development.

2. It's heartbreaking to have to start over in a job or relationship when you're in your 40s. What's the first step after chocolate and wine?
The first step would be to reach out for support. There are people and organizations such as ours that can help get you back on your feet financially, professionally and personally.

3. What's the most important thing a woman in her 40s should know about looking for a new job?
There is a new world of work out there. The concept of “go to college, find a good job and stay there until retirement” really no longer applies. One of our career e-courses titled Career Invention shows women how to take advantage of the new opportunities the modern-day work environment offers.

4. How can you act confident when it seems like every answer is always "no"?
One of the most important rules in this new work environment is “Work Has Many Unexpected Forms.” There are many new opportunities to make money. So if you don’t land the job in the corporate world right away, consider turning a hobby into an online business. With modern-day tools, you can get a business up and running quickly and with little to no overhead. (Our Career Invention e-course can show you how.)

5. Can you tell us a success story about a Fresh Start member?
Ann DeWolf was a 51-year-old divorcee stuck in the humdrum of administrative work for more than six years. Wishing to go back to her love of sales, the fear of failure kept her from pursuing her dream.

Seeking guidance in her career change, Ann came to Fresh Start, and what she learned truly changed her life.

Not only did Fresh Start give her the necessary tools and knowledge but a new-found perspective on how to find the right career for her. The career courses helped her create a vision and the strategies to achieve her goals. She learned interview techniques, how to highlight her skills and gained the confidence to apply for positions she may never have considered before.

A residential resale representative for the no. 1 security company in America, Ann now has an exciting career that challenges her every day.