A Nation of Mediocrity

I don't talk much about work in this blog. But something struck me today. We work so hard to get renewable energy into California. This is energy that comes from the sun, wind, geothermal, water and cow poop and other organic waste sources. Of course you need to get that energy TO people, via transmission lines. Because everyone so desperately needs several plasma TVs, and AC, and computers, and chargers -- but they don't quite understand how electrons get to these devices.

So people all have their panties in a twist about transmission lines for renewable energy running their neighborhoods -- but why aren't they up in arms about the Wal-Marts, the Cheesecake Factories, the Abercrombie & Fitches that mushroom overnight? I understand nature abhors a vacuum, and apparently, so do consumers.

These places make us, as a nation, as a people, mediocre. They are the path of least resistance. They are the beige in the spectrum of fabulousness and character. Don't get me wrong. I've dashed into a Starbucks on numerous occasions, and certainly have shopped 'til I dropped at TJ Maxx. Perhaps I'm being pedantic here. But can't we just put them in some urban center, or promote unique, human-based business, instead of treating the corporation as our parents, depending on them for our sustenence?

Used to be that when you were in an airport, you could tell from the great miasma of people who was from Texas, who the New York punks were, the ladies from Florida, the surfers, the hardcore bankers.

Now it just looks like everyone went to the Gap.

We have this awful place down the street called the Americana at Brand which is kind of like Disney and Vegas with a shopping theme. There's a patch of grass and a fountain with spurts that dance to nonstop oldies music. The good thing is that it brings life to dusty old corny Glendale, with hipper-than-anyone Japanese teenagers; huge families pushing strollers, toting kids and one about to pop out any day; starry-eyed first daters who need somewhere to amble after dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.

My sadness is this: that there isn't the same kind of life or enthusiasm centered around a library, a sculpture garden, a gallery, a museum in this region. That the shrines we build and value as a nation are to consumerism.

Presidential hopefuls, are you out there? Can you help? Can you bring a little soul back into our spirit as a nation?

You've Got To Hide Your Love Away

One very good thing about being 40licious is that your powers of insight become more finely honed. You can scan situations and people and get a read in mere fractions of a seconds. Bionic, pretty much. However.

However.

However, when you turn your powers on your own 40licious self, you can be in for a world of awakening, and not all of it good. For example.

I have just paid close attention to some of my patterns and I fear that I might have a problem with intimacy. Which might explain why I've been laid more than I've been married. Not that I'm counting, and not that either happens that often these days, but I can tell you I've been married ZERO times. (There was the post-911 Big Sparkly Diamond Engagement, but that doesn't count at all.) I'm thinking that when it comes time to get to the inner chamber with someone else, I suddenly have to go back to the car for tissues and gum and did I check the antifreeze and maybe I have to vacuum the upholstery ... and so on.

So in the spirit of furthering education, if you are dating me, if you plan to date me, or if you mistakenly believe you are dating me, here are some helpful tips to help us both negotiate my issue:

1. I might check out. If I do this, it's not you, it's me. In all seriousness. It could go like this: You're probably being lovely and affectionate, and I'm making up cute couples nicknames for us ala Brangelina and Bennifer. Then suddenly, you zoom in for an innocent peck on my cheek and I feel like I have to run hard and fast and dunk my face in a five-gallon bucket of PinkBerry. Don't worry, though, this feeling will probably pass. I hope you like PinkBerry too.

2. If #1 occurs, your best bet is to just lay low for a while and let me get my breath back. It's helpful to know that you are a good and solid person and that you will be there on the other side.

3. For me, if we're sleeping in the same bed, me putting my pinky under your thigh is exactly the same currency as you spooing on me, only without the sweatiness and awkward positioning. Unless one of us has had a bad dream.

4. I will always tell you the truth. But sometimes you have to ask me very personal questions, because I don't like to begin hard conversations. I do, however, usually feel better after a hard conversation, and you probably do too.

5. If I break up with you, and then make out with you on the beach the next day, we are probably not exactly broken up. It's a way for me to establish control.

6. Check in with my vibe from time to time. You might be wondering aloud about if we should retire in cowboy country or Tibet or the East Village, and I might just want to get in the bath and read Real Simple. By myself. With the door closed. It's not that I don't want to spend the rest of my years making yak butter sculptures with you -- I probably do -- but I won't come up with any good ideas for them unless I'm fully there.

7. Love. Love. Love.

8. Do your own thing. I will like you better. You will like yourself better. Let me miss you. We will have more to talk about when you come home.

9. Be my rock. Be cool. Be sure.

10. It's never about what it's about.

Hippie Mom Purse

Every now and then, because I am 40licious and because it's my site, I will spend a little time on a pedantic retrospective of my career. But I will only load up things I really like. Like this one.

Hippie Mom Purse

My mother, Colleen Bennett-McGrady, walks me outside our apartment building circa 1969.

Today I turn 40

And I'm so excited. It's weird. I feel like I'm 9 3/4 going on 10. I know it's just a number, a day like any other day, a random point in time that looks nice in our base-10 number system.

But here's what turning 40 as a symbol means to me: That I can do whatever I want. That I've arrived to a place in my life where I've done about half my learning and have capacity for so much more. That I have nothing to fear.

I'm writing this blog mostly because I'm a writer and I felt like my old blog about moving to LA had outgrown itself once I stopped needing a map to get all over town. This blog is important to me because I want to voice what it's like being 40, especially in an age-adverse culture and city. 40. It's not what you think.

Actually, I wanted to call this blog "40 and Fuck 'em" but my friend Stephanie, who also turned 40 this week and who has excellent taste and a much cleaner mouth than I, thought that wasn't civilized. But she did give me a great idea (really, the thanks goes to Wendy, but that's really getting off topic) and I will now share 40 of the things I've learned.

1. I will do anything once. Twice if I liked it and you ask nicely.
2. Money is more like a river that flows than a box of apples that's all gone when you dump it out.
3. Take the high road. Even when it sucks and the high road is way the hell over there.
4. Love. Love. Love.
5. In corporate America, it is not OK to take a nap under your desk, even if it's only for 10 minutes. People freak out.
6. Dang, I'm only up to 6?
7. You can't date history or potential. You get someone as-is.
8. Yoga saves lives and makes people happier.
9. I'm a sucker for an Irish or English accent.
10. Wear glasses when you're negotiating. Also, clothing, but add glasses. Or not.
11. If that little nagging voice says don't do it, the one BEHIND the filter, you probably shouldn't.
12. Now that I'm 40, I can appreciate Yoko Ono. I see where she's coming from.
13. If you have a presentation for muckety-mucks, add a cute dog into the mix. It gets even the mucketiest of them.
14. The earth really doesn't need us. We are the most useless species on the planet. We should be really nice in case she decides to kick our collective ass.
15. Listening to Barry Manilow, drinking red wine and sending emails is a dumb and deadly combination. I know you'll do it anyway, but I warned you.
16. Add a little baking soda to a tomato-based sauce or soup and it will neutralize the acidity.
17. The person who mentions a number first loses.
18. If you speak from your heart, you can't be wrong. That's verbatim from my friend Pat de Vol Nadon.
19. There will always, always be another job.
20. Baking soda is an excellent, non-toxic alternative to other scrubbing cleaners, such as Comet.
21. A little vitamin E oil under your eyes every day will make you look young forever.
22. Better to eat one piece of really good chocolate than 10 pieces of crap.
23. If you're nice about it when someone screws up, it works out better in the end. That's why I am now the proud owner of a card entitling me to two free carpet shampoos and one free car wash.
24. Diana Ross' "Love Hangover" is one of the greatest songs of all time and it will instantly make you feel like a sexy diva when you play it a bit too loud. I don't care who you are or who you kiss. Seriously. Try it.
25. No matter how good your camera, you will never, ever be able to re-create that sunset, so don't even try.
26. When in doubt, be still. Be very, very still.
27. If you wrap something in Filo dough and bake it to a golden brown, even potted meat, people will think you are an amzaing cook.
28. ADDICT ITEM #1: If someone's an addict, and you decide to fall in love with him or her anyway, you're in for a world of hurt. Addicts shut down.
29. ADDICT ITEM #2: An addict, no matter how far into recovery, will reach for the object of desire if things get bad enough.
30. If someone is old, sick or dying and you think you should go see them, go. Go. Go.
31. Tell people you love them because it might be your last conversation ever. I know this is morbid, but it might. But also, my Aunt Corinne does this every time we talk on the phone and I always think of her saying that and it makes me happy.
32. If sunglasses are on sale at Target, get, like five pair.
33. ADDICT ITEM #3: Addicts are fun and gregarious and charming and we love, love, love them. It's just hard to remember the other stuff when you're in their personal spotlight.
34. If you quit sugar for three days, you kind of lose your taste for it.
35. If they tell you to evacuate the building, and then tell you to go back in, don't. Wait a loooooong time until you go back. This is how a lot of people died at 9/11.
36. Marriage might not be what I think it might be.
37. I'm happiest when I'm making something, or have just made it, or when people are enjoying whatever it is I've made, such as a play or film.
38. When somebody dies, you get one good surprise and one bad one in the aftermath.
39. If you're still reading this far, let me know with the key word "seamonkey" in the comment function.
40. You can rock pretty much any outfit -- you just have to have the aplomb. Think Lucy and Ethel in Paris.

Thanks for reading and I hope you come back.

Love,

Vanessa