Getting Closer

We're done. We're done with all the classes we need for adopting kids from the foster system. Today was a marathon -- first session on transracial / transcultural adopotions, and the second with parents who adopted from the system. Without exception, none of them got what they thought they wanted. Those who wanted one got three kids. Those who wanted two got four. And the parents who wanted a sibling set got a single little girl with some medical fragility that they were able to take on. The woman with her head set on an infant got two tween girls. All of the parents we met have attached with their kids as family, and can't imagine life any other way.

The good-hearted folks who work at our agency have intuitive superpowers. They are mystics who can see more clearly than a well-thought out plan. They are matchmakers. They are saving everyone's lives. We have a mountain of paperwork to complete. And then figuring out some logistics. With each passing day we get closer to our kid.

It doesn't feel like waiting. We have tasks. We relish our James Bond film festivals and little but important rituals together. When the time is right, Our Family will Be So.

Moving Forward

Here's another thing about being 40licious: You have to get stuff done. You realize that nobody will do it for you. You have an idea. Say you want to, I don't know, open a donut 'n' steak hut. You've likely spent the first half of your life saying to everyone, "Someday, someday, SOOOOON, I will open a donut 'n' steak hut." And all your people know that's what you want, and sometimes your mom sends you an article on somebody who did a crossiant 'n' pork hut in Hawaii, to prod you along. But you keep your day job, and you go along in your little life. Happy or not.

Well, guess what my sisters and brothers? Someday is now. And now. And now. And now.

That's why I've dedicated one day each week to planting seeds for things I really want to be doing. Every Sunday, I eschew all social obligations and just work on stuff I want to get done. My show, or my book, or magazine articles, or just knitting (I am trying to move beyond scarves with great failure). It works. It helps. It makes those moments when I am NOT doing what I want more bearable.

And it's nice to hope for something.

So go ahead. Make your menu. Learn a new sprinkle pattern. Just go.

A relief

They say you shouldn't make popcorn with Silverwater Secret Spice, pair it with an organic Merlot, and Google old boyfriends. But I say, this combination can lead to an exciting psychological breakthrough. You should try it sometime.

Why? Because you might stumble upon some dumb comments said ex made publicly, and learn about the online communities he's joined and think, upon seeing his much fatter, much balder self in a picture posed with his new "band" against a telephone pole with some water in the background, "what a loser."

Indeed. Sigh.

If you really want to see how far you've come, just Google. You'll be glad you did.

40licious and a half

Lesson #7, above. Lucy didn't get a say in this executive decision.

I've been 40licious for six months. It's been amazing, really, the journey to here, so far. The best way to mark it, I think, is to outline 20 things I've learned since I got to this point.

1. Sometimes you just have to let things go. Take the high road, especially when ego is involved. Mine or otherwise.
2. Sometimes you can't figure out the route to the high road until after you've passed it, and by then it's just a faraway squiggly blue line on a map.
3. Dogs and egg yolks: No.
4. PMS is kind of like some weird sneaky parasite demon that makes you do all kinds of whacked-out stuff. It's just best to schedule around it.
5. It pays to buy good face cream. I am particularly fond of Kiehl's Abyssine Cream SPF 23 for day, and Dr. Andrew Weil for Origins Plantidote serum and cream before bed.
6. It's OK to tell your shrink you're not coming back. Very liberating, actually.
7. In terms of furniture, less is more. I got rid of my rugs and love how my floor looks now.
8. Try something new that makes you uncomfortable. I took an art class last weekend from the lovely Tinkerbellian Annie Wharton and I feel like my life has changed. She unlatched a new door for beauty and truth. Now if I can just nail F on the guitar ...
9. Good work follows you and pays you back when you least expect it.
10. Family is everything. There is nobody I'd rather be with, now that I understand the proper dosage. They have the basic dossier on you and love you all the more for it.
11. Better to spend $3,000 on an amazing trip that you'll remember for the rest of your life than do some stupid stock gamble with the money.
12. Never, ever trust your instincts on the stock market.
13. There is an intrinsic irony in making jam: Fruit ripens at the hottest time of the year, and you have to be standing over a hot stove for hours to make it. There's really no way out of that one.
14. I would put my hard-earned principles aside if it meant that someone else would be deeply, deeply hurt. Kind of like the Dalai Lama would do.
15. You will really only eat half as much popcorn as you think you will. Just get the small.
16. There is great liberation in not having to be right all the time.
17. There is power in stillness and silence.
18. When you love a book or find it particularly useful, buy at least five copies of it and give it away.
19. It costs about $50,000 to adopt a child, $20,000 to go through the state system and get one that's hard to place, and $100 (or more if you serve good tequila) to throw a last-man-standing dinner party.
20. Republicans can be cute and funny and charming and even big-hearted. In fact, this whole political labeling thing makes absolutely no sense. One of my dearest friends, who considers herself an "R," is socially liberal but fiscally conservative. I consider myself a "D," and I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative. So, um ... I guess we're voting for the same person.

Today Now!: How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election

Today I turn 40

And I'm so excited. It's weird. I feel like I'm 9 3/4 going on 10. I know it's just a number, a day like any other day, a random point in time that looks nice in our base-10 number system.

But here's what turning 40 as a symbol means to me: That I can do whatever I want. That I've arrived to a place in my life where I've done about half my learning and have capacity for so much more. That I have nothing to fear.

I'm writing this blog mostly because I'm a writer and I felt like my old blog about moving to LA had outgrown itself once I stopped needing a map to get all over town. This blog is important to me because I want to voice what it's like being 40, especially in an age-adverse culture and city. 40. It's not what you think.

Actually, I wanted to call this blog "40 and Fuck 'em" but my friend Stephanie, who also turned 40 this week and who has excellent taste and a much cleaner mouth than I, thought that wasn't civilized. But she did give me a great idea (really, the thanks goes to Wendy, but that's really getting off topic) and I will now share 40 of the things I've learned.

1. I will do anything once. Twice if I liked it and you ask nicely.
2. Money is more like a river that flows than a box of apples that's all gone when you dump it out.
3. Take the high road. Even when it sucks and the high road is way the hell over there.
4. Love. Love. Love.
5. In corporate America, it is not OK to take a nap under your desk, even if it's only for 10 minutes. People freak out.
6. Dang, I'm only up to 6?
7. You can't date history or potential. You get someone as-is.
8. Yoga saves lives and makes people happier.
9. I'm a sucker for an Irish or English accent.
10. Wear glasses when you're negotiating. Also, clothing, but add glasses. Or not.
11. If that little nagging voice says don't do it, the one BEHIND the filter, you probably shouldn't.
12. Now that I'm 40, I can appreciate Yoko Ono. I see where she's coming from.
13. If you have a presentation for muckety-mucks, add a cute dog into the mix. It gets even the mucketiest of them.
14. The earth really doesn't need us. We are the most useless species on the planet. We should be really nice in case she decides to kick our collective ass.
15. Listening to Barry Manilow, drinking red wine and sending emails is a dumb and deadly combination. I know you'll do it anyway, but I warned you.
16. Add a little baking soda to a tomato-based sauce or soup and it will neutralize the acidity.
17. The person who mentions a number first loses.
18. If you speak from your heart, you can't be wrong. That's verbatim from my friend Pat de Vol Nadon.
19. There will always, always be another job.
20. Baking soda is an excellent, non-toxic alternative to other scrubbing cleaners, such as Comet.
21. A little vitamin E oil under your eyes every day will make you look young forever.
22. Better to eat one piece of really good chocolate than 10 pieces of crap.
23. If you're nice about it when someone screws up, it works out better in the end. That's why I am now the proud owner of a card entitling me to two free carpet shampoos and one free car wash.
24. Diana Ross' "Love Hangover" is one of the greatest songs of all time and it will instantly make you feel like a sexy diva when you play it a bit too loud. I don't care who you are or who you kiss. Seriously. Try it.
25. No matter how good your camera, you will never, ever be able to re-create that sunset, so don't even try.
26. When in doubt, be still. Be very, very still.
27. If you wrap something in Filo dough and bake it to a golden brown, even potted meat, people will think you are an amzaing cook.
28. ADDICT ITEM #1: If someone's an addict, and you decide to fall in love with him or her anyway, you're in for a world of hurt. Addicts shut down.
29. ADDICT ITEM #2: An addict, no matter how far into recovery, will reach for the object of desire if things get bad enough.
30. If someone is old, sick or dying and you think you should go see them, go. Go. Go.
31. Tell people you love them because it might be your last conversation ever. I know this is morbid, but it might. But also, my Aunt Corinne does this every time we talk on the phone and I always think of her saying that and it makes me happy.
32. If sunglasses are on sale at Target, get, like five pair.
33. ADDICT ITEM #3: Addicts are fun and gregarious and charming and we love, love, love them. It's just hard to remember the other stuff when you're in their personal spotlight.
34. If you quit sugar for three days, you kind of lose your taste for it.
35. If they tell you to evacuate the building, and then tell you to go back in, don't. Wait a loooooong time until you go back. This is how a lot of people died at 9/11.
36. Marriage might not be what I think it might be.
37. I'm happiest when I'm making something, or have just made it, or when people are enjoying whatever it is I've made, such as a play or film.
38. When somebody dies, you get one good surprise and one bad one in the aftermath.
39. If you're still reading this far, let me know with the key word "seamonkey" in the comment function.
40. You can rock pretty much any outfit -- you just have to have the aplomb. Think Lucy and Ethel in Paris.

Thanks for reading and I hope you come back.

Love,

Vanessa