Spirit: A Look at 40 around the World

Aimee Cebulski

This is a guest post from writer and photographer Aimee Cebulski, who has recently released a new book called The Finding 40 Project. In it, she interviews and photographs more than 30 women in 10 different countries, all just turned or about to turn 40. 

An additional goal for The Finding 40 Project is to support women's charities in the regions visited during the project. A portion of proceeds from book sales will be used to fund microloans and women's programs administered through charitable partner PCI Global (www.pciglobal.org).

Rosa Elena has never been further than the village 10 miles away from her home in Ecuador where she lives with her seven children and one grandchild.

The book profiles a diverse set of professional women, stay-at-home moms, entrepreneurs and even those living in tiny villages far from major cities. Several became mothers later in life; one even marries at 40 and is expecting her first child just after turning 41.


No matter what their situation, many are seeking ways to live their best life and be happy and content at 40. What can we learn from the women she interviewed in this two-year process?

• Roll with the punches: For many of them, they never thought they would be mothers and oftentimes motherhood came by accident -- However, everyone universally said that it was a great addition to their lives and they felt blessed that their life took this path.
• Be grateful for your health: Women interviewed in poorer countries or those struggling to make ends meet constantly stressed the value in being able to function physically and where possible have control over your own reproductive destiny.
• Be true to yourself: Some women, who have chosen not to have children yet or are thinking about not having any at all, struggle with societal pressure, especially in heavily Catholic countries, and urge others to follow their own heart when it comes to what they really want.
• Think about the big picture when it comes to money: Economic pressures are a key factor for many women who might already have one child or more, and at 40 are thinking about becoming pregnant again -- the effect of more children after 40 can have a higher impact on things like retirement planning or resource allocation in developing countries than it might for younger mothers. 

Style: The Most Flattering Hairstyles for Women in Their 40s

Photo: Allure

Allure magazine is calling out the most flattering haircuts for women in their 40s. They're all pretty classic styles: What I'm not seeing is choppy bangs, pixie cuts or anything too poofy. This is a good reminder to keep it real: If you're trying too hard or not trying at all, you'll just look old and sad.

And who else is in love with Michelle Obama's bangs? I think they deserve their own office.

Photo: Allure

 

Spirit: Bookshelf Porn

This woman who turned an East Harlem brownstone into a lofty, light-filled home for her family?
I hate her precisely because I want to be her. 

I will admit to being a junkie for a few things. House of Cards and other serial TV shows. Greek yogurt with honey. And bookshelves. Not real bookshelves, mind you, but the ones in decorating magazines. I hungrily lap up each new issue of Elle Decor and then immediately start coming down on my own organizational abilities. I feel a constant tug between wanting to get rid of all my stuff, and doing some uber-organizing on the stuff I have.

It might be easier if it were just me. I live with a husband and our nearly-2-year-old daughter, they tend to get upset when their things disappear. I am not an extremely slobby person. I occasionally leave a wake of wrong clothes in the bedroom during the morning rush, or the occasional "floor salad," as I like to call it, when I'm cooking. It's a space-time paradox: After working 40+ hours a week at my job, being a mom, and writing a book, there are only a few slivers of time to do anything else, such as major organizing projects.

My current fantasy goes like this: I am on paid vacation and home for 10 days, while Grace and Steve are out of the house for the daylight hours. Some of that time is spent doing yoga with a private instructor who comes to my house, napping, and reading the books piled on my nightstand. But the rest of the time I am with a drill-sergeant professional organizer/decorator, who knows intuitively which things we do not need, whisks them into a box labeled "donate" and proceeds to rearrange the few items we have left, and stack the books by color to make my home look like it belongs in a design magazine. And then Elle Decor comes to my house and takes a bunch of pictures, in which we are casually splayed out on our couch drinking lavender-herb lemonade and Grace is playing with a handmade organic Elmo.

Is all this bookshelf porn doing me more harm than good? It makes more 49 percent inspired and 51 percent inadequate. How about we start seeing Jennifer Anniston's closet BEFORE the photo stylists had at it? Or Jackie Collins' pantry with the spilled honey on the shelves and the cans of beans so old the expiration dates have faded? It's almost as if I were bombarded by images of skinny sexy 20-somethings in every ad, movie and TV show I saw, and know I will never be those things.

 You can't be too rich or too thin. Or too organized. How do you do it? How does anyone?

Style: How to Accentuate the Positive (Plus Foot News You Can Use)

Fashion expert Lindsay Weiner

As we move deeper into Shoe Season and think about holiday ensembles, we hear from Lindsay Weiner, fashion expert, certified image consultant and personal stylist. She's consulted on "Wha Not to Wear," "Moving Up," the "Today Show" and the "Jane Pauly Show." She's styled fashion editorial shoots and is an expert citied in books and articles about fashion. Her company, www.stylemeasap.com, is an organization dedicated to keeping people stylish, organized, and confident in their wardrobe decisions.

She answered some crucial questions:

1. What worked in our 20s and 30s that no longer works now? 
Dressing appropriately is something that is important for all women and this includes dressing for your body type, lifestyle, and age. When it comes to women in their 40s, this often means that a little more coverage is required than what may have been needed in their 20s and 30s. And this is not to say that fashion and allure should go out the window, it just means they need to be tweaked. What does remain the same is the idea that you should dress to accentuate your favorite features, as this is still the key to a flattering and successful look. So if you have great pair of legs, show them off by wearing a shorter skirt. Instead of going bare legged though, add more coverage with a pair of tights or leggings. Or if you have fabulous Michelle Obama-like arms, wear a tank top and balance the bareness on top with a more covered bottom. Evolving your style with your age, doesn't need to be anything drastic, but a slight change here and there will ensure that you continue to look put together AND appropriate.

2. Can anything go with color and style or are there rules we need to understand?
When it comes to color, it's important to choose shades that match with your skin's undertones - either cool (blue) or warm (yellow). You can wear whatever colors you like, cool skin tones can wear yellow and vice versa, but following this guideline will ensure that the hues you wear "pop" and make you look your best. You can also use color to accentuate your favorite features. Bright and bold colors draw the eye in, so use them accordingly! And don't be afraid to mix things up. The old rules of fashion used to state that you couldn't wear navy and black, red and pink, or brown and black together, but that is no longer the case...you can! The key to wearing these combinations is to make it look deliberate. For example, don't just wear black shoes with a navy dress. Balance the look by adding other black accessories like jewelry and a purse. Doing this ties the look together and is a fun twist on typical color pairings.

3. How can you wear good shoes but not spend a ton of money? 
Just because you like and want nice shoes, it doesn't mean you have to spend a fortune on them - you just need to know where to find them and how to get the best deals. One way to do this to buy your shoes off season, as this will be when they're on the biggest sale. Yes, you might have to wait a few months to wear them, but getting boots during the summer and sandals during the winter is a great way to save money. Flash Sale websites, such as www.gilt.com and www.ruelala.com, are also good resources for scoring designer shoes at a fraction of the cost. Another bargain finding trick is to visit consignment stores that specialize in high-end clothing. These stores only sell items that are gently worn, in good condition, and sometimes even new(!!), so you can definitely find deals at these stores. 

4.  Any other advice for women in their 40s regarding shoes/style?
Here are three of my favorite shoe tips that I share with all my clients, and even follow myself!
1) A nude pair of shoes is a must for every woman - they go with everything and will instantly add inches to your legs and make you look taller.
2) To avoid truncating the leg, stay away from shoes with ankle straps that hit at or above the ankle bone, as the horizontal line cuts the line of the leg and makes you look shorter.
3) To make any pair of heels more comfortable, have a cobbler add a thin, rubber sole to the bottoms. The rubber is shock absorbing and makes it easier to pound the pavement all day in your fabulous shoes.

Style: Shoe Season Begins Now

Gucci "Lisbeth" red patent leather Mary Jane peep-toe pump

The holidays are arriving quickly. I know this because I made a pumpkin-cream cheese swirly cake thing and ate half of it the day before I was going to enter it in the work Halloween baking contest. So I had to make another. (I won the contest, if you were wondering.) 

Which brings me to shoes. The pre-holiday season is really about shoes, not just because of leftover back-to-school feeling, but also because no matter how much we eat, we will fit in our shoes. The right shoe is the difference between you owning the room and merely displacing some air in it. Also, you can wear the same black dress every year and nobody will really notice or care, but the right accessories can send you home with a charming English base player just in town for a few days on tour. 

So I've recently interviewed a bunch of shoe experts for my book, including my new girl crush Meghan Cleary, from whom you will hear in the coming days. But first up is Linda Arroz, co-author of "Affordable Couture" and major fashion influencer.

Linda Arroz

About style: "What works in our 20s and 30s may not work for us in our 40s.  By the time you're 40 you may be well on your way to establishing a professional image in your career. In your 20s, you were more carefree, experimented with fashion, had a lot of fun and maybe even changed jobs a few times. The 30s bring about some clarity, maturity and are about building a body of work, perhaps having children."

About trends: "Unless you're a model, actress or exotic dancer, a lot of trendy stilettos may not work in your favor, especially at work. That's not to mean you can't be fashionable. A stylish platform pump with a high heel works for women in their 40s, while a shoe with 'no-heel' could make you look like you're trying too hard to be cool."

Indulge in the "no heel" look at your peril.

About classics: "Some shoes are timeless, like a 2-inch heel pump with either a pointed or oval toe box. Find your fit in a shoe like this and buy it in the season's trend color or material, as well as black. Try colored suedes in the fall, and leopard print, which has become a fashion classic, can be worn all year long in any style of shoe. Looking fashionable from head to toe means evaluating the shoe. Often the entire outfit is based around the shoe, if it's not right, everything looks off, regardless of your age, but especially in your 40s. If you work in a creative field, all bets are off. You wouldn't wear shoes or boots with lots of buckles and studs with a work suit, unless you work for an advertising agency or as a fashion designer."

About comfort: "Comfort counts more as you get older, but you don't have to sacrifice style. In your 40s you may be traveling or attending trade shows for work, or keeping up with your children. A lot of high-end shoe designers like Stuart Weitzman say that lower heels and flats are their most popular styles. Why else would the perennial ballet flat be so fashionable? If your feet hurt, it will show, and body language gives off signals. When you're in your 40s your confidence levels should be at an all time high. Don't give it all away because your desire to wear ill-fitting or higher heels won over logic. Podiatrists and other medical experts have been telling us for years about the health hazards of wearing stilettos. The higher the heel, the balls of the feet take on the bulk of your weight. Combined with a more narrow toe area, called the toe box, women experience a variety of problems like bunions and hammer toes. Do an internet search for celebrity feet, for example, and you'll see links to ugly and hideous feet suffering from these exact issues. Logic suggests that women's feet aren't shaped like a triangle, yet most women's shoes feature a narrower shape near the toes. High heels and platform shoes are often the culprits in ankle and feet fractures. I'm a fashion victim myself, having broken my left foot twice. The first time, my foot twisted sideways wearing cork wedgies, and a few years later, my fabulous burn out velvet platform slides bumped up against an uneven sidewalk and caused me to fall and twist the foot. I've since learned my lesson. Try watching women walking in their high heels. You'll observe the instability of the feet and ankle. Even runway models have been known to fall off their shoes. (Mashable posted a compilation video of models slipping and falling on the catwalk.)

A classic example is from an episode of 'Sex & The City' (season four, episode 'The Real Me') when Carrie slipped and fell down on the runway."

Money: 100 Ways to Keep More Money in Your Pocket

Image courtesy peasap from Flickr Creative Commons

Last night some friends and I held a brainstorming session on Facebook about ways to save or make money. We got to 46. I'm trying to get to 100 crowd-sourced ideas for the 40licious book, got any? Here's what we have so far:  

1.     Hold clothing swaps
2.     Shop at thrift stores
3.     Split entrees at restaurants, or take leftovers home
4.     Look on Craigslist or EBay first for electronics and furniture
5.     Ask your stylist to hook you up with haircolor so you can do your own roots in between visits.
6.     Trade babysitting with friends
7.     Walk instead of taking cabs in NYC. It's usually quicker
8.     Make your own dog treats. Cheaper and you know what's in them.
9.     Shop at farmers market for in-season produce, which tastes better and is usually cheaper than the supermarket
10. Don't order takeout or delivery unless there's a legit reason
11. Buy beans in bulk instead of cans
12. Make your own coffee in the morning and bring it with you in a travel mug to work.
13. Negotiate with your phone company, cable company and Internet provider. They don't want to lose your business. I've only been paying a tiny amount for Internet service for years because I threaten to leave every six months.
14. Get a soda stream and a brita so you can make your own bubbly water to replace your ridiculous pellegrino habit.
15. Stop smoking
16. Use both sides of the paper
17. Stop emotional/impulse spending: If you're dying to get that dress/makeup/par of boots, wait a day, see if you're still jonesing for it, then make the purchase.
18. Organize your stuff and have a place for everything: You'd be amazed how much extra stuff you buy when you're disorganized and can't find something you already have.
19. If you do NEED a new dress Shop at Ross or TJ Max or some such discount store first...
20. See if you can make Halloween costumes from stuff you already have (cowgirl, tourist, gypsy, zombie, nerd, ), or swap costumes with friends or other parents
21. don't need that much meat. Try using half, or go meatless a couple days a week.
22. Re-evaluate how much you're paying in bank fees, insurance, credit cards, etc. Do a full financial inventory.
23. shop in your closet!
24. Read parking signs carefully and keep cash in the car so you never get a parking ticket.
25. kid fashion: hand-me-downs
26. Cook at home. Take a yogurt and granola bar for breakfast, and pack a nice lunch of leftovers or soup or cold cuts
27. Give up alcohol for a month and you'll save money and even lose weight :-).
28. Fabric painting, decorative patches, saves stains and holes in clothes, brightens them up and gives them a new look
29. Get boots resoled don't throw them out
30. ribbons make great shoelaces
31. Use it up, wear it out, make it do ... or do without."
32. Use your apps to keep an up-to-date inventory/shopping list.
33. Use a lipstick brush to get every last drop of your favorite color!
34. Thrift-shop online at Poshmark, Twice and Threadflip
35. Trade skills at your local time bank
36. Try getting it at Trader Joe's or the ethnic market before the regular supermarket
37. Grow your own herbs
38. A chicken or turkey gets double mileage when you use the carcass for stew or soup
39. Use Freecycle and Craiglist to score free stuff. Sometimes it's yours for the asking.
40. There's this thing called the library where you can get free books, music and movies. Seriously. For reals.
41. Order cleaning supplies, health and beauty aids, diapers and other stuff you replace regularly through Amazon.com Subscribe 'n' Save. If you're an Amazon Prime member you get free shipping, and a "subscription" to the items saves you a big percentage, as well as time shopping and parking. Totally worth it.
42. What can you do as a side gig? Copyedit? Build websites? Babysit? Walk dogs? Housesit? Teach guitar? Draw pet portraits? Paint decorative mailboxes? If you think about it long enough you'll figure out your side gig. One person I know saved up enough from cocktail waitressing on her off-hours to put a down payment on a house.
43. There's soooo much music you can listen to for free: Spotify, Pandora and of course, you can go to the library and get music risk-free and download what you love.
44. Upcycle your clothes: Can that dated dress become a cool tunic top? Icky sweater can turn into cute leg warmers with the flash of scissors. If you're good at it, you can sell your creations on Etsy.
45. Use your fresh and perishable food first so it doesn't go bad.
46. Join a Yahoo! online community specific to your profession, neghborhood, hobby, interest or kids’ age. You’ll be amazed how generous people can be with advice, discounts, insider information and gear.

Money: Is Owning a Home Your American Dream?

Only one of about 1,000 press releases catches our eye here, like this one from TD Bank. (We came for the news but stayed for the infographic.)   A recent study by TD Bank reveals that 64 percent of women believe homeownership is essential in defining the American Dream. In comparison, only 52 percent of men felt owning a home was important. Furthermore, aspirations of homeownership are more prominent with women, with 66 percent of current female renters stating they intend to own a home in the future as opposed to 57 percent of men.

 What do you think? Is a home essential to YOUR American Dream?